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Epic Fails

Fresher’s Week: First Impression Fails Epic Fails

Fresher’s Week: First Impression Fails
Can you smell burning?

As all students-to-be for 2014 will know, Fresher’s Week is on the horizon. A time when heroes are crowned. When mavericks make their mark. When indelible reputations are first formed…Here are just a couple of real-life Fresher’s experiences to get you geared up for the university year. Thank goodness you’ll have all of that time to have a second crack at ‘the first impression’. 


Just a couple of examples of Fresher’s Week first impression fails.

(Please note: though these few examples are based on the experiences of real people, rest assured that they all turned out to be reasonably mature and responsible members of society...)

Being ‘outrageous’

You’ll certainly see the type in your first few weeks. Though whether they’ll really achieve the legendary status they’re craving on campus is debatable. Eating their Coco Pops with, wait for it...Vodka instead of milk… Rock and roll!

Yes, there’s bound to be some silliness that ensues with all of the Fresher’s Week frivolities…But no one likes a try-too-hard! Be yourself, and you’ll be fine!

Chat-up line fails

A good friend of mine throughout university preferred a more esoteric approach to conventional Fresher’s Week chat-up lines. To name a few:

“What’s your favourite type of medieval weaponry?”

“What’s your favourite part of the menstrual cycle?”

“I drive a Rondeo. It’s like a Mondeo. But faster.”

“Would you rather have a finger or a fanger?”

“Would you rather bathe in warm beans or cold milk?”

There are no words to describe this approach. It was a wonder to behold. Especially considering that the gent in question had some success with lines such as these! What a charmer.

Setting off the fire alarm in your halls

As one poor soul learned the hard way…

If you return home to halls after one too many and decide it would be a great idea to rustle up some cheese on toast as a night time snack, then using the underwear that you’ve been wearing outside of your trousers all evening as part of a sports team initiation as the cheese is a silly idea. We, and she, will never understand the motivation for this.

Once everyone’s got back inside after a chilly half an hour standing outside in their pyjamas whilst the firemen give the all-clear, you’ll probably be placed under a grill ban by your flatmates and be strictly limited to the obligatory dodgy kebab after any future nights out. Oor perhaps a more penny-friendly safety bowl of Rice Krispies.

The awkward moment when you don’t catch someone’s name and then it becomes too late to ask again

This is likely to happen considering all of the characters you’ll meet in your first few weeks So don’t panic. It doesn’t mean you’re terrible person! There’s probably always going to be that one person that raises a blank void in your mind when it comes to their name. You were introduced once, it was loud, you were drunk…You’ll be frantically wracking your brains for their name whilst you smile and casually greet them with ‘Alright, mate’ or a ‘Hey, hun!’ every time you pass them in the corridor.

You could carry on in this manner for a good long while and see how far you get. Or perhaps swiftly invent a new affectionate nickname to avoid the sheer embarrassment. Unfortunately, there’s just something about being a student in the UK which means the very last thing you can do is to be ‘socially awkward’ and a few weeks later just come out with, “I'm terribly sorry, my dear chap, but I just can’t seem to ever remember your name! What is it? Lovely to meet you, Norris! Sorry, what was that? Oh, sorry, Lawrence!”     

If all else fails, at least you’ll get to learn what they are really called come graduation day…

However your first few encounters with your fellow first years go, be cheered by the fact that at university there are literally tons of activities and societies to get involved with. You’re bound to find new partners in crime! 

Image courtesy of Iwan Gabovitch, 'Burnt Toast Redefined'

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