16 Ways to Ensure You Don’t Get a Training Contract
2012-05-08 10:17 AMComment
We’ve put together some toe-curlingly bad answers to typical law firm questions. Slip these little babies into your training contract application and we guarantee it’ll go straight in the bin. So sit back, have a read, and put off filling out those training contract application forms for just a little bit longer…
“It’d be a crime not to give me a TC”
What do you think are your key skills/assets?
- Like Samantha Brick, I’ve had to overcome extreme adversity because of my looks.
- I soak up Red Bull like a sponge. I can make onions cry. I can cook 30-minute brownies in 20-minutes. I read so fast I give myself paper cuts. I am the man.
- Determination. Confidence. Ambition. People skills. These aren’t words I’d use to describe myself.
- Commercial awareness? I eat that sh*t for breakfast.
Why have you applied to this firm in particular?
- I saw your trainee solicitor advert on the information highway. And I came to a screeching halt.
- I’ve been rejected by just about everyone under the sun. But not you.
- I was hiking through a jungle in Peru, with a legless orphan strapped onto my back when it struck me, “I can make a real difference in this world.” Together, as one, we (me and you) can scale the dizzying heights of commercial law and come out triumphant.
- I’ve unscrambled scrambled eggs. I’ve put a square peg in a round hole. I’ve punched Ashton Kutcher in the face. But I haven’t worked for your law firm.
Why would you be the perfect trainee for our firm?
- At the age of 10, I controlled 79% of the world’s economy. I ride recessions like bucking broncos.
- I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
- To quote my idol Stuart 'The Brand' Baggs: “I’m not just a one trick pony, I’m not a ten-trick pony, I’m a whole field of ponies – and they’re literally all running towards this job”
- I’m the unexpected item in your bagging area.
What do you do in your spare time?
- I arrange my underwear in chronological order.
- I collect tiny metal police handcuffs.
- I had a flock of geese, but after the recession, I had to make some of them redundant.
- In rare moments of solitude, I like to reflect on just how blessed I am.