16 Ways to Ensure You Don’t Get a Training Contract

2012-05-08 10:17 AMComment

We’ve put together some toe-curlingly bad answers to typical law firm questions. Slip these little babies into your training contract application and we guarantee it’ll go straight in the bin. So sit back, have a read, and put off filling out those training contract application forms for just a little bit longer…

“It’d be a crime not to give me a TC”

What do you think are your key skills/assets?

- Like Samantha Brick, I’ve had to overcome extreme adversity because of my looks.

- I soak up Red Bull like a sponge. I can make onions cry. I can cook 30-minute brownies in 20-minutes. I read so fast I give myself paper cuts. I am the man.

- Determination. Confidence. Ambition. People skills. These aren’t words I’d use to describe myself.

- Commercial awareness? I eat that sh*t for breakfast.

Why have you applied to this firm in particular?

- I saw your trainee solicitor advert on the information highway. And I came to a screeching halt.

- I’ve been rejected by just about everyone under the sun. But not you. 

- I was hiking through a jungle in Peru, with a legless orphan strapped onto my back when it struck me, “I can make a real difference in this world.” Together, as one, we (me and you) can scale the dizzying heights of commercial law and come out triumphant.

- I’ve unscrambled scrambled eggs. I’ve put a square peg in a round hole. I’ve punched Ashton Kutcher in the face. But I haven’t worked for your law firm.

Why would you be the perfect trainee for our firm?

- At the age of 10, I controlled 79% of the world’s economy. I ride recessions like bucking broncos.

- I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.

- To quote my idol Stuart 'The Brand' Baggs: “I’m not just a one trick pony, I’m not a ten-trick pony, I’m a whole field of ponies – and they’re literally all running towards this job”

- I’m the unexpected item in your bagging area.

What do you do in your spare time?

- I arrange my underwear in chronological order.

- I collect tiny metal police handcuffs.

- I had a flock of geese, but after the recession, I had to make some of them redundant.

- In rare moments of solitude, I like to reflect on just how blessed I am.

If you want some real advice on training contract applications, visit our Law section or check out our job application advice.